Fear Factor

The month of June has been a big NOPE for me.  The way the cicadas a.k.a satan’s imps were out here wreaking havoc and causing chaos, I just couldn’t be bothered.  I’d rather boil my braids and eat them one by one with chopsticks than allow one of those ugly things to touch me.  And I know they serve a purpose (the biggest one was to keep me in the house), but it still doesn’t make me hate them any less.

My fear of insects is deep.  As I was typing that last sentence, I promise you a small creature just entered my space and I had to kill it.  It’s like they know this is about them.  They know they’re the main character in this story.  Anyway,  bugs are gross.

Fear.  One of the biggest enemies that we face as humans is fear. Our fears have so much range. What may seem small and insignificant to one is a huge deal to another. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of clowns, fear of heights may not seem equal, but they hold the same weight depending on the individual. All fear can be debilitating in the right situation.  A couple weeks ago I was pushed to face my fear of bugs.  Having to leave my house because I had a doctor’s appointment or walking my “dog-niece” was BIG for me. Leaving for and coming home from church was probably the hardest. There’s a tree in my front yard and hell’s minions had been loving every branch and leaf.  They sat there on the edge, taunting me.  As I would muster up enough strength just to open the front door here comes one of those jokers flying straight into it.

I had my gear on in the 80+ degree weather which consisted of: long pants, jacket that zips up to my throat, gloves, my mask, glasses, sneakers and a hoodie or my bonnet. You have to be prepared for battle ok.  My bonnet has definitely been my helmet of salvation.  But I was forced to face my fear because I had someone counting on me.  I had to step up. And the crazy thing about it was the situation didn’t last long, but it was terrifying to be in while I was there. I was screaming, running, and fighting air, but I made it through.

That made me think.  How many times did I allow myself to not go for the job, or not speak up for myself, not step out of my comfort zone all because I was afraid of how I would be perceived or that I wasn’t good enough?  And not just about myself, but how many times have I caused someone else to miss out because I allowed my fear to keep me from doing the very thing THEY needed?

Fear lies.  When we give it too much power, it makes things, places, decisions and feelings seem so much bigger than what they actually are.  This hinders us from being able to perceive reality.  I’m learning that even if fear creeps in, still do it scared.  Whatever it may be.  I have come to terms with the fact that things can go very wrong, but they can also go very right.  And even if it doesn’t turn out the way I thought it should, it’s not the end of the world.  If anything, I will have learned a valuable lesson and can apply it in the future.  Pushing through fear helps build confidence to keep moving past fear.

Not the usual sign off tag.  We’ll be late to something next post.