Liberty And Justice For All?

I have tried and tried to put out a piece on the most recent events and I became overwhelmed. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t put my feelings and emotions into clear concise words because there weren’t any. Myself as well as every other Black person in America, probably went through a range of emotions throughout the day constantly hearing the news, I’m sure (unless you’re just completely removed from the experience, that’s another issue). And it was exhausting. It was exhausting seeing so many racially motivated events happen in a weeks span. And taking all that in began to make me angry.  And my anger had levels.  I went from “Burn this country down” to “I’ll fight a white person if they say something out the way to me” to “I can’t believe this is still happening in 2020.”  But not only was I angry, I was sad.  My heart was heavy.  I was disgusted.  And for some reason, still in shock and disbelief.  Truth is, these things have never stopped happening.  And it was like racism was working overtime since the quarantine.  Sis had to let us know she hadn’t left the building and she came in LOUD. Her reminder made the whole world forget about corona (is that still a thing?)

These events got me thinking.  And for the first time in a long time, I struggled with my identity as a Christian because I was feeling as a Black woman.  When non-blacks see me (and others like me), they don’t see that I’ve grown up in church my WHOLE life.  They don’t see that I have a love for music and I sing on my praise team. They don’t see that I’m a college graduate.  They don’t see that I want to be married and have a family of my own.  They don’t see my disappointments, my failures, but also my successes.  They don’t see that I too am human.  Truth is, the first thing they see about me is my Black skin.  No matter how beautiful it is to me, to them…it’s a threat. It’s a weapon.  It’s shameful, nothing to be proud of.  Even though the same God who made them, made me.  We’re both created in His image.  And so the struggle ensued.  How can I continuously forgive people who want to keep their foot on my neck? People who refuse to acknowledge their privilege and make excuses for it?  People who could be videotaped breaking the law, but know that if they use the right keywords calling 911, a Black man could possibly lose his life?   But then my Spirit man speaks and says, “But you are to forgive 7×70. Be angry and sin not.  Forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you.”  And I didn’t want to hear that.  I didn’t want to do the “Christian thing”.  Why should I forgive them? The ones who are filled with hate for a group of people who’ve done nothing to them.  The ones who thrive off of doing the devil’s work and say it’s in the name of God?  But I have to.  And I know forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

Don’t misunderstand my intent for this post.  It’s not to bash white people.  I think we’ve gotten to a point where I don’t have to say “nOT aLl wHitE pEOpLe”. And I honestly fought with myself on if I wanted to be as honest with my feelings because I didn’t want to offend.  But I can’t sugarcoat anything and I don’t want to either.  We know police brutality is a HUGE issue, but racism is thee driving force.  I don’t have the space to go into the depths of everything because this post isn’t about that either.  Google is also Free.99 if you want to research further on the true purpose of the police. 

I had talks with my tribe, I had talks with my mom and I had talks with God.  I’ve been talking and listening since everything happened and truth be told, I needed it.  I needed to know that my feelings were valid.  I needed to remind myself that even Jesus flipped a table.  I needed to be reminded that there’s a time to be a Lion and a time to be a Lamb (Thank you Bishop Adams).  I posted on social media trying to bring awareness, but it just wasn’t enough.  I had this energy that wasn’t being fulfilled and so I decided to put action to my words.  I went and I protested and it was such an amazing experience.  To be out there with so many different people, different walks of life, different social classes, but all on one accord.  We all had the same purpose and goal in mind.  And it made me think about how we’re in the middle of a pandemic, people have lost jobs, people have lost loved ones, people have been sick themselves.  We’ve been dealing with tr*mp (snatching his caps and his vowel) and the ignorance that spews from his mouth and twitter fingers for what seems like an eternity.  On top of all of the false accusations against Black men, #AhmaudArbery being shot and killed in cold blood for jogging, #BreonnaTaylor being killed in her home three months ago and STILL no justice, #GeorgeFloyd’s death was the last straw.  And it brought us to this place where unity wasn’t an option, but the only choice.  This had to happen.  Things had to be exposed.  2020 isn’t a loss at all.  We’ve gained new insight.  We’ve gained new wisdom. We’ve gained and are yet gaining new strategies. Hopefully we’ll be gaining a new president.  Our eyes are open, our focus is clear and there’s a shift that’s taking place in the world. So I’m hopeful.  I’m hopeful that we are about to see long lasting, forever change in this country and around the world, for the better. 

Some of our non-black friends/associates/loved ones/allies have been LATE to this racial inequality party.  And you know what, even some Black friends didn’t even bother to RSVP or show up and I’m finding that’s ok.  Everyone isn’t going to fight or see the need for the fight.  That’s another conversation for another day.  I can only speak for myself.  And I will continue this fight in anyway that I can because truth be told, it could be any one of us.  The everyday things that Black people are killed for, others take for granted: jogging, going to a corner store, broken tail light, not using a turn signal, sleeping in your own home, ACTUALLY complying with the police and the list goes on and on.  I’m grateful to be a part of a ministry that allows me to have my voice as both a Christian and Black woman.  Shout out to NCLM!! My overseer is on her activist tip too. I see you Aunt Tanya!!

WE WILL CONTINUE TO SAY YOUR NAME #BREONNATAYLOR

WE HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU

THIS FIGHT IS FOR YOU TOO